Today I scarfed down an entire Italian sub sandwich packed with capicola ham, salami, provolone, lettuce, tomato, balsamic spread and peperoncinis. And then I wondered why I did that to myself. The bikini I got only covers my ass, not my now-bloated-gut. So I pretty much decided to lay as flat as possible on my lounge chair to spread out the sandwich until it was fully digested. I think it worked because I managed to fall asleep and when I woke up I’m pretty sure I had creases all over the left side of my face. For all I know I drooled and snored, too, which may be why everyone chose chairs on the opposite side of the pool from me. Regardless, my plan to lay extremely flat worked because people were too afraid to look my direction and it allowed me to walk around the pool without anyone noticing my salami-filled-belly. So I guess I can mark that as a win in today’s category of pigging out poolside.