Birthday Bits

I slacked off a bit on posts this weekend because it was my birthday. With my new age, my memory has apparently begun to fail me and I forgot how to use a computer. Rather than filling you in on every single detail of the weekend, I will sum it up in bits and pieces. Lets call it the highlights.

Friday (Birthday Eve): Brad Pitt and I stayed in and I made a lemon and rosemary risotto* with shrimp and asparagus for dinner. Risotto is one of my go-to options for dinner because its actually really easy, super delicious and somewhat fancy. I make it all the time. Anyone who has made risotto knows you spend some time stirring in liquid one cup at a time as the rice absorbs it and puffs up. In addition to chicken or beef broth, I always use a white wine. Usually a Sauvignon Blanc, sometimes a Pinot Grigio and every now and then a Chardonnay. Regardless, I always use a cheap one — I try for a bottle that is $6 or less. I started making the risotto and realized that I didn’t have a cheap bottle of white in the house so I persuaded Brad Pitt to run to World Market to buy one. Specific instructions: It MUST be cheap. Under $6! As usual, I had to keep my phone nearby because he always calls from the store to make sure he gets the right thing. I was trying to cook though and it was giving me a crick in my neck holding the phone to my ear and chopping onions and garlic so I said “Just surprise me!!!” and hung up. He returned home with a bottle of Mad Housewife Chardonnay. WTF? Its possible he was sending me a message.

Saturday (Birthday): I spent most of the day dodging Brad Pitt’s quirky and inappropriate jokes.

First he referred to man parts as a “Thunder Snail.” I quickly responded with “You are ruining escargot for me!!!” He just laughed.

Then we took a short road trip to Lawrence so we could design and print a custom t-shirt for my brother-in-law, whose birthday is the day after mine. (We’ll call him Vince Vaughn. My seeester thinks Vince Vaughn is a hottie. My brother-in-law does not. My seeester wins. He is now known as Vince Vaughn.) Back to Brad Pitt…Any amount of time in a car with Brad Pitt affords him the opportunity to poke and prod me, make more weird jokes, and just do things that are all-around annoying. (But kind of funny, I will admit.) He kept touching my elbow with his pointer finger. And then he would lightly pick at my knee cap. Then he said in the squirreliest voice possible, “Elbows and knees are the new nipples!!!” And then he wouldn’t stop poking my elbow until I almost lost my shit on him and explained I was trying to drive. (In reality, I was just trying not to laugh because that would only encourage him.)

He also followed up every single sentence with “Happy Birthday!” Like when he told me I wasn’t singing “Roxanne” very well. “Katie, you are so tone deaf! Happy Birthday!” Message to you, Brad Pitt: That is a very difficult song to nail. I think I did pretty well singing it, if you ask me.

He also managed to gift me the biggest booger I’ve ever seen in my life. “The size of a potato chip,” he said. He claims he wanted to “give me something unique” for my birthday. I had told him not to get me anything this year and by that point I really meant it.

Fortunately he surprised me with a thoughtful gift: an Uncle Si Duck Commander Tea Cup which he found when we stopped for gas on the way home. (I somehow lost the first one he bought me at Christmas time so this was a real treat. I’ll guard this one closely. It was much better than a potato-chip-sized-booger.)

Sunday (Post Birthday/Family Birthday Dinner): We went to my parents’ house to celebrate Vince Vaughn and my birthday with my immediate family. Vince Vaughn liked our custom designed shirt. Brad Pitt did not like it when I told my mom about the elbow/knee/nipple thing. I also told everyone in the family about Thunder Snail. I tried tricking my seeester by saying, “here look at this, here is a picture of the thunder snail” and she leaned in closer to look at my iPhone screen. So I was like “I’m just kidding! I don’t have a picture, you sicko!” But Brad Pitt said “Hell yeah you can look at a picture of Thunder Snail. The camera adds 10 pounds!!” We got a good laugh at her. And Brad Pitt. So all in all I would have to say it was a pretty good birthday weekend.**

*I use a lot more wine in my risotto than this recipe calls for …actually my recipe is probably a lot more modified because I tend to make things up as I go along and just eye-ball ingredients Rachael Ray-style as I add them to the pot.

**As much as I have now poked fun at Brad Pitt for his goofy and immature comments throughout the weekend, he did everything he could to make sure I had a good birthday. And I appreciate him for that. So… Thank you, Brad Pitt.
I like you. I like you, a lot.