Mammoth Mushrooms

Remember a while ago when I told you how the Smurfs built a village in my backyard and how we once had penis shaped mushrooms in our front yard? Well the Smurfs are back. With a vengeance. They must be Supersized Smurfs. When I took the Little Monster out to potty this morning I saw something across the street near our neighbor’s sidewalk. It looked like a mushroom, but it was so big I thought “no WAY is that a mushroom.” But it was!! So, I hurried inside, grabbed my iPhone and a couple of my small gnomes and I headed over there.

Bent over, ass-sticking-out in the street, I posed my gnomes with the ‘shrooms and that’s when another neighbor, Donny, drove by. My first thought was “Oh great, he’s going to think I’m weird.” But he immediately showed appreciation for the size of the mushrooms. And then he realized I was posing gnomes inside and around the fungal beasts. He must be as weird as I am because his response was “You are a gnome! I am a gnome! Don’t eat the mushrooms, they may be hallucinogenic!” And then he drove off and honked his horn.

Uh, thanks Donny. Pretty sure I was not going to eat the mushrooms, but a friendly reminder is always nice.

And then the neighbor that lives in the house came home. I said “Danny!* Your mushrooms are incredible!” And he said “I know! I thought about mowing over them the other day but I decided against it.” Together we decided it would be best if he continued to park his truck in front of the mushrooms, acting as a shield against predators so we can see how large the mushrooms can actually grow. Then Danny said “And then we can eat it!”

Seriously? What is it with people eating mushrooms from the yard? Don’t do that! They are most certainly poisonous. I’m totally against the idea. But I am all for buying a gnome costume and posing next to a huge ass mushroom.

*Yes, we have a neighbor Donny and a neighbor Danny. Its easy to tell them apart though. First, they live in separate houses. Second, Donny is kind of crazy. Danny is not.


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