Feral Cats Are Assholes

I have two words for the folks in the neighborhood who think its cool to care for all the feral cats around here …and they aren’t “thank you.” Today I found the Little Monster wiggling around in the backyard, getting all dolled up in something one of those damn cats left behind. She caked it all over her neck and face. I thought the mouse guts she rolled around in earlier this summer were disgusting. They had nothing on this beast of a pile. Brad Pitt and I figured out it was a cake of diarrhea. Diarrhea! From some wild animal that does not belong in my yard. I had to bathe the Little Monster three times to get the mess out of her fur and eliminate the stench. I can’t even begin to describe how bad it smelled. And after three baths, I now have to disinfect the tub and wash all the linens that touched her.

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Sweet Little Monster who likes to roll around in cat shit

When you look up feral in the thesaurus it includes the following words: ferocious, fierce and raging. All of which describe the smell I had to wash off my sweet Little Monster. For some reason the thesaurus forgot to include the word asshole as a synonym for feral. I’m officially adding it myself.

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