Cut the Crap

So, Brad Pitt stepped in cow shit over the weekend while we were in Kentucky. He was wearing his “favorite shoes” and had to bag them up the remainder of the trip. I am thankful he thought enough about the consequences of walking around the house with cow crap stuck to his soles and kept the shoes bagged up when we got home. But today I saw him take the bag to the backyard and come back inside wearing the shoes. And then he dropped a dinner knife into the kitchen sink. Plink!

I didn’t think much about it until I heard the silver hit the stainless steel and it was like the wheel in my brain spun around really fast putting two and two together.

Me: Um, did you use that knife to clean the cow shit off your shoes???
Brad Pitt: Yeah, don’t mess with me, I’m having a very busy day and just needed my shoes.
Me: Are you kidding me?!? What the hell!?!? We eat food with that knife!
Brad Pitt: It will get washed.

I ran straight for the sink and pulled the knife out.

Me: Was it this one?
Brad Pitt: Yep.
Me: Ugh! That is disgusting! Next time use something disposable!
Brad Pitt: Your problem is obviously with your confidence in your dish washing soap. Not my use of eating utensils.

He just walked away while I plunged the knife into a tall vase filled with bleach and a small splash of water. It has been sitting in the bleach for at least five hours now and I’m nowhere near ready to take it out.

There are only two positives I can take away from this experience:
1. He did not use one of the good knives, instead he used one from our older silverware set that isn’t “as pretty” as what we use now.
2. We now own a shit-scraper. There is no way that knife is going into the dishwasher and back into the silverware drawer. It will be under the sink ready and waiting for the next time somebody steps in something unappealing.

In case you are ever invited to our house for a dinner party and have any concern about our cutlery, here is what to look for:knives

And I promise I won’t serve cow pie for dessert.

5 thoughts on “Cut the Crap

  1. Get your black Sharpie and write “shit scraper” in big, bold black letters on both sides of that contaminated knife before you put it under the sink. Please.


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