Dear Brad Pitt,
This letter is to inform you that we are going to own a pig. If the owner of this wayward piglet does not come forward, I have full intentions of adopting her and bringing her home. I am certain you will be totally okay with this and are probably just as excited as I am about the opportunity.
PS I am so excited I can’t stand it. You won’t regret this one bit.
I’m sure he will be thrilled. Pig squeals and small dog yips, over and over and over and over and over. . . .
It will be so awesome. You and Dad can pig-sit when we go out of town.