Mouse in the House: An Update

I have an update on the mouse in our house.

(If you did not already know, we found a mouse in the house yesterday. Click HERE to read that story.)

Last night, around midnight, the mouse made another appearance. I know this because I was just about to fall asleep but was jolted to full-awake-mode when I heard Brad Pitt scream from the kitchen.

We decided we would set up traps first thing in the morning. For all you PETA folks, please understand, we totally wanted to be as humane as possible with capturing Ratatouille in our kitchen. But the health of our pets and selves comes first and we decided against the $20 ($TWENTYDOLLAR$) trap and went with the old snap version. (The sticky glue traps seemed too mean. We just envisioned a cute little mouse finding himself stuck on a patch of glue and panicking himself to death. Oh My GOSH! OH NOOOOOO! HELP! I’M STUCK! OH MY! I’M SO FUCKED! SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME! OH NO! THOSE BIG HUMAN THINGS ARE COMING TOWARD ME AND THEY ARE GOING TO THROW ME AWAY!)

Yeah, that wasn’t going to happen.

So, Brad Pitt set out two traps. One of them snapped on him as he was baiting it with peanut butter. (Click HERE to read about the time he poisoned himself with rat trap peanut butter.) I know it snapped on him because I heard him yell and then giggle uncontrollably for five minutes when he was setting up the traps.

He then arranged the traps in our sun porch where we found evidence of the mouse. (READ: We found three or four tiny mouse turds on the sun porch ledge near a huge bag of new dog food.) It was actually the most perfect place to find the evidence and set up our traps: there was zero possibility of the dogs getting into the traps because there is absolutely no way either pup can access that area of the sun porch.

So, the traps were set.

And we waited.

And then around 8pm Brad Pitt came up to me and asked if I moved one of the traps.

One of the traps was gone.

Gone.

It was gone.

And I had not moved it.

But no matter how much I insisted that I had not touched either trap, Brad Pitt did not believe me because I have pulled so many pranks on him.

I promised him I was not involved and we both went on a hunt for the missing trap.

It was nowhere to be found.

Brad Pitt started freaking out. He was certain the mouse flipped the trap, got caught and injured but lived and was somehow dragging it around the house. This idea pretty much horrified both of us.

Then I suggested that maybe the trap worked, but there were other mice in the house and when they realized their friend was captured they sent out an army and carried him off.

At that point Brad Pitt went back to thinking I had moved the trap and was trying to prank him.

But then he found the trap. With the mouse. Dead. It had flipped into the air and cleared a bird house I have out for decoration. It was nice and snug behind the bird house. Upside down.

Despite the fact the trap was upside down and the mouse’s body was slightly hidden, Brad Pitt was unable to clear the remains…

I had to do it.

I pulled on my big girl pants, grabbed a few paper towels and a trash bag, moved the bird house, closed my eyes halfway (halfway so I could still see what I was doing but not see as much of the mouse as possible), grabbed the trap & mouse and dropped it in the bag.

Brad Pitt looked at me with astonishment and gratitude. And said “I can’t believe you did that. There is no way I could have done that.”

No shit, Sherlock. I knew that when I heard you screaming last night in the kitchen. (That is what I wanted to say, but I didn’t because I’m way too nice. Instead I just said “Hey no big deal, we’re a team right?” And then I walked away feeling like the superior one in the relationship.)

Rest in peace, little dude.