The Day I Got Cock Blocked by Super Mario

Brad Pitt and I went to NYC for a quick overnight trip over the weekend to attend an ah-mazing party. I will tell you more about that party later. But for now, I am going to share with you the moment I got cock blocked by Super Mario.

We booked a hotel fairly close to the event which landed us very near Times Square. In all the times I’ve visited New York, I’ve never truly done Times Square. I can’t even say that I “did” Times Square on this visit, either, but it was the most time I’ve spent on the streets that make up the iconic and tourist-laden area so I guess you could say I’ve been there, done that now.

Its glitzy. Its what most people think of when they think “New York City” and haven’t been to New York City. Its cool. Don’t get me wrong. Everyone should visit Times Square at least once.

And everyone should try to snag a photo with one of the crazy costumed people. We’re talking Hello Kitty, some random super heroes, Mario, Elmo, Grover, etc etc. Walking around in their furry, oversized costumes attempting to persuade tourists into taking photos for cash.

When I saw Mario I immediately thought “Charlie (my nephew) will totally get a kick out of a picture of me with Mario.” I hustled over, camera ready, backed up to him and aimed for a selfie.

And Mario cock blocked me from our selfie together. It was like I was a selfie-paparazzi and he was a celebrity waiting to punch the camera away.

Damn.

Then I was bombarded by his buddies Elmo and Grover who quickly offered to help take photos so I allowed myself to get suckered into the shot. I was determined at that point to get a photo to send to Charlie.

I got the photo and then they tag teamed me for money.

Elmo was all “Giggle giggle giggle, hee hee hee, rub my belly.”
Mario was all “We work for tips.”
And Grover nearly flipped his lid (literally, the person inside popped the mascot head off to tell me he wanted some moolah.)

All I had was a $10 so I turned to Elmo and said “Can you break it?” And Mario was all “No, we take the $10. $10 is good.”

And I was all “No, you don’t take the $10, motherfucker.”

No, I didn’t really call Mario a motherfucker. But I was thinking it.

What I really said was “No way dude. Break the $10. Give me back $7. You each get a dollar.”

And Mario was like “Bitch, give me ten!”

Not really, but after wanting to call him a motherfucker, I bet he wanted to call me a bitch for my dollar contribution, so I’m putting that in my story.

And when it was all said and done I got my photo and they got their tip. One buck a piece. And at least one of us was happy.

And that is how I got cock blocked by Super Mario (but pretty much cock blocked him in the end – if you can cock block someone from money.)

The End.