The Champagne Room

Thanks to Groupon, I have discovered the most romantic getaway (with a discount!!!) in the Poconos and I’m really hoping that Brad Pitt takes advantage of this limited opportunity (2 days remaining to purchase!!) and whisks me away there for my birthday.

From the photos, I’m imagining the most unbelievably-tacky-yet-irresistible hotel suite at this couples-only retreat. And I am praying to the Bleach Gods above that the housekeeping staff does double duty between visitors.

To understand what I’m talking about, you have to check out the link to see the Groupon (HERE) or the link to the resort’s webpage on the Champagne Suite (HERE).

There are many things that fascinate me about this romantic-retro-tacky getaway:

First – Probably the most obvious of all curiosities is the champagne glass whirlpool-bath-for-two. Its shaped like a champagne glass (I love champagne!!) and its 7 feet tall (how do you get in?? I must find out.)

Second – There is a heated heart shaped pool in the four level suite. So its not only heated, its private. And heart shaped. (How much chlorine do they dissolve into the water to fight off, um, unwanted organisms?)

Third – The bed is round. (How the fuck do you not fall out of a round bed?) I am least excited about this bed situation because I think it would force the two of us to sleep right smack next to each other in the center of the bed and I like my space. I don’t like being smothered by someone else’s body heat while I’m trying to get my beauty rest.

Fourth – The room description mentions “celestial ceilings” and I really want to know more about this. (Are we talking about those glow-in-the-dark stars that we all stuck on our ceilings as kids? I really hope so.)

Fifth – An in-room massage table with heat lamp. I don’t even know what to say about this.

Sixth – This is not mentioned in the room description on their webpage, but I can see it in the photos … there are mirrors on the ceiling. I am not even kidding.

Seventh – I don’t really have a seventh reason. Because I don’t need one. Come on. Look at all the reasons above. Isn’t that enough to warrant a purchase of the Groupon and a magical overnight visit to the Champagne Room? On my birthday?!?!?

When I brought this amazing Groupon opportunity to Brad Pitt’s attention, he was NOT interested. But I have two days, fourteen hours and four minutes (as of this exact moment) to convince him otherwise.* Oh yeah, its all inclusive. Based on everything else I’ve seen I am certain there is a superb restaurant on site where we can wine and dine before we jump in the 7 foot tall champagne tub.

*Obviously if I manage to convince him to snag this Groupon and take me to the Champagne Room, there will undoubtedly be many great stories to share. So, I urge you to help me in my efforts to convince him that The Champagne Room is, indeed, the best idea ever.