So I mentioned in my summary of My Seeester’s visit that I bought a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle mask at Toys R Us in Times Square. My sole purpose for buying this mask was to put it on in the middle of the night, get very close to Brad Pitt’s sleeping face and wait for him to wake up and find Donatello hovering inches above him.
While waiting for dinner to arrive, I hid the mask next to my side of the bed. I could not wait to pull off my prank. By bedtime, though, we were so exhausted that I worried I would fall deep asleep and miss my opportunity to hover over him in the darkest hours of the night.
Plus I was a little afraid I was going to really freak him out and his natural, manly instinct might kick in and he would punch me in the face. My turtle face. And its not like I bought a bo staff to protect myself.
I decided I would take a bath, trying to stall as long as possible. I waited long enough for him to get nicely settled and comfortable in bed…. eyes closed …. relaxed …. then I finally made my way toward the bed, guided by the softly lit IKEA lamp sitting on my bedside table. I casually stooped down, pretending to plug in my phone and strapped the mask onto my face.
Brad Pitt was motionless. His eyes remained closed! I was so excited! I was going to pull this off!
I slipped under the covers and gently leaned my body toward his, placing my masked face as close to his as possible. He sensed my presence and opened his eyes and I exclaimed in true TMNT fashion: “I ate too much pizza! I ate too much pizza!”
Through the mask I watched his body tense up and almost jerk backwards into the mattress. Then he calmly, yet firmly said “You are lucky I didn’t punch you in the face.”
[Insert uncontrollable laughing on my end.]
When my masked head finally stopped bobbing up and down from all the laughter, an exasperated Brad Pitt asked “Well, did you get me one, too?”
Seriously? First of all, one TMNT mask was a waste of money. We definitely did not need two. Second of all, no way in hell was I going to give him his own mask. The last thing I want is to wake up facing a Ninja Turtle directly over me. I would probably pee the bed. That would not be totally tubular, dude.