All You Really Need Is Two Balls

There I was, standing in line at the Mama’s Meatballs food truck during the Jack Johnson concert and unable to keep my stupid mouth shut:

I can’t wait to stick some balls in my mouth!
Whoa! Those are big balls!
Three? You can get three balls? I’ve only ever had two at a time!
Look! They stick their balls inside buns!
Blue balls! People pay for blue balls?!? I definitely want to get Brad Pitt some blue balls!

I couldn’t stop.

I made so many ball references that I was impressed with myself.

I was on fire.
I was hilarious.
I was witty.
I was…hilarious.

Yes, I wrote hilarious twice. That is how funny I thought I was that evening. And I must have been somewhat hilarious, because My Seeester and the girl in front of us were both cracking up along with me.

When it was finally our turn to order, I went balls to the wall and ordered three for each of us.

With buns, without buns, spicy, extra cheese… you name it, I ordered it. And when I pulled out my debit card to pay for all the balls, I was smacked down.

Cash only.

Whaaaaaaaa ?????

My Seeester and I frantically dug through our pockets and purses and came up with cash. But not enough. The line behind us was growing. And grumbling.

We edited our order, whittling it down to the nitty gritty, realizing the lesser the balls, the more likely we would eventually be able to make it happen. I stood there, a dollar short of a chance at three balls and as I looked around at those behind me in line, I felt helpless. I think the look in my eyes was begging someone to please, please, just give me a dollar!

It was humiliating.

I’m pretty sure karma was paying me back for every single immature ball reference I made while waiting in line.

In the end, we had enough cash for two meatballs each. With buns. Which, really, is all anyone needs at one time.meatballslider

4 thoughts on “All You Really Need Is Two Balls

  1. They were quite filling! I couldn’t believe how I could fit that much of a ball in my mouth! They were huge! ; )

  2. There was probably a sign that said Cash Only. Perhaps had you not been such a smart ass potty mouth you would have seen that, and not been humiliated. You could use this as a life lesson. Or not.

    (Sometimes I wonder if in another life you were a twelve year old boy).

    • Mom I swear there was NO sign saying CASH ONLY. I looked. Becky looked. We did not see it. Life Lesson: Carry more cash. I’m not giving up the ball jokes.


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