Over the weekend, Brad Pitt and I went to dinner at a restaurant in the middle of nowhere. See Exhibit A.
Rather than going on and on about my shock at how great this place was (food, service, atmosphere… the 24 page beer menu !!!! ) and the fact that it was hopping busy (despite being in the middle of nowhere) I’d rather just focus on how Brad Pitt behaved in the car on our way to and from dinner.
On the way there:
He asked me numerous times to “Please, please slow down!” He held onto the “Oh Shit Bar” above the passenger window and every time we reached a curve in the road his body jumped and jerked and he kept repeating “Please, please don’t get so close to the side of the road.”
I had to explain to him that (1) we were only going 20 miles per hour and he needed to chill out and (2) if I didn’t stay close to the side of the road, the oncoming cars would smash right into us. I don’t think either of my explanations were comforting, so I assured him I would grant his wishes and drive especially careful to make him as comfortable as possible.
Note: His behavior caused a lot of eye rolling on my part, so technically he was making the car ride more dangerous because my eyes were not on the road as much as they could have been, if he had just chilled out.
On the way back:
He begged me to stop scaring him. As we drove into the darkness, there happened to be a number of corn fields, and, as any normal person in their right mind would do, I used a super creepy, high pitched voice and yelled CHILDREN OF THE CORN over and over. I guess he does not like children or corn because he flipped out and told me to “Stop, stop, stop it!”
He also did not like my singing. According to Brad Pitt, a “lower voice” would be better for my version of Katy Perry’s song. I had to explain to him that, actually, that particular portion of the song was not meant for a lower voice. I had to go all soprano on it.
Given everything I endured that evening, I have to say it was one heck of a night out (in the middle of nowhere) and I’m very ready to go back.
There were houses in the area. There may have also been other structures. It was dark. We may have missed something spectacular that could have changed the status from “middle of nowhere” to “somewhere.” But I doubt it.
I highly recommend this place. Not that my opinion or vote matters (it should) but I do highly recommend visiting this restaurant to anyone who happens to find themselves in the middle of nowhere (in Pennsylvania). Feel free to check out their website to learn more: Spinnerstown Hotel.
Sleepy Hollow Road? Forget Children of the Corn, Sleepy Hollow Road is scary enough.
Let’s not even go there. He’s freaked out that the house we are buying is next to Elm Street.
This story neglects the part about how our car was in the shop and we were driving a rental. BECAUSE YOU OFTEN HIT THINGS.
Blatant lies. I can’t believe I married a liar.