No, No, No! No-Bake Cookies

In an effort to make sure Brad Pitt doesn’t come home from work thinking we live in a barn, I decided to clean up a little bit. During this effort, I found a dog turd that was nicely hidden behind the loveseat. Before you get all high and mighty thinking “You are disgusting! Your dogs poop in the house!” just work with me, okay? Sometimes shit happens. And it just so happened today. Or maybe yesterday. I’m not sure. It was pretty dried up.


Anyway, as I was cleaning up the dried turd, I realized it kind of looked like a piece of no-bake chocolate cookie. You know the kind I’m talking about? Where you mix together melted chocolate, peanut butter, oats, sugar, etc and you just plop them down on a piece of wax paper and wait for them to cool and set into place? They are delicious. And this turd somewhat resembled a piece. And I thought “Man, wouldn’t it be hilarious if I put this turd on a plate and left it in the kitchen to see if Brad Pitt would try to eat it like a no-bake chocolate cookie!?!?”

I did not do that. First of all, that is completely disgusting. What if he actually ate it before I had the chance to warn him that it was all a joke? Second, I would never contaminate my dishes. A piece of poop (dried or not) on a dish would most definitely be contaminating.

So, I did not put poo on a plate and trick Brad Pitt. But I did reminisce about the time My Seeester and I pulled a chocolate-poo trick on our Dad using a piece of brownie many, MANY years ago….

[If this were a scene in a movie, this would be the part where the screen becomes all wavy and dream-like and magical music plays in the background and you know you are about to go back in time to see what happened.]

….Many, many years ago, with My Seeester by my side, I rolled up a brownie into a nice, lumpy log. About the size of a turd that you would expect from a small dog. Then we ran outside, found our Dad mowing the lawn, caught his attention and yelled “Dad! The dog pooped in the house!” while holding out a piece of paper towel with the brownie log on top. And then, much to my Dad’s horror, I proceeded to take a bite out of the brownie turd.

I will never, in my entire life, forget the look on my Dad’s face. It was beyond priceless. I wish I could draw it for you now. But I can’t. I’m just not that talented. But imagine the most horrified, disgusted expression on a guy with a mustache and you pretty much get the idea. My Seeester and I laughed so hard. I still laugh to this day, just thinking about it. In fact, I am laughing right now.

I don’t think I would laugh as hard if Brad Pitt ended up eating a real dog turd, thinking it was chocolate. No. That would probably gross me out. But, either way, I’m really glad I found the piece of dog poop behind the loveseat today because it brought back such great memories from childhood and we no longer look like we live in a barn.

* I can’t take credit for the photo of the no-bake cookies… I plucked it off And, they look tasty. Not at all like poo.

7 thoughts on “No, No, No! No-Bake Cookies

  1. I totally choked on the water I was drinking when I read this. Somehow, someday, you’re going to need to find someone to recreate the look on your dad’s face via drawing, because that’s just too good!


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