6:30am
I really need to do laundry but I’m terrified of the new washer and dryer that we got for the new house. They were so shiny and pretty in the store, but now that they’re in my very own laundry room, they look more like spaceships and I’m too freaked out to use them. 
When I shared this fear with Brad Pitt, he firmly stated that I better get over it and learn how to use the machines quick because (a) we spent a lot of money on the appliances and (b) he is almost out of clean underwear. I offered to make a run to Target for new undies but I just got an instruction manual placed in front of me in return. He assures me it will be “fun” to learn something new via a 43 page instruction manual. (86 pages if you include the Spanish version.) And that is just for the washer.
So, here I am. Unable to sleep. And beginning the laundry novel at 6:30am.
Update: 7:20am
I’ve been reading and there are definitely some things I’m learning. First, it’s really important to separate your clothes (my mom was right all along). This puts a damper on my usual laundry habits as I usually throw most things together. Not jeans. Not towels. But most other things.
On a scale of “Duh” to “Mind Blowing” here are some of the things I have learned, according to the manual:
- You need to “push the laundry into the drum completely to prevent the laundry from being caught in the door or from falling out of the drum. [Duh. Did they seriously need to waste ink and paper for those instructions?]
- When washing bulky items like rugs add a couple towels to “improve tumbling and spin performance.” [Hmm interesting.]
- Regular detergent is “NOT” recommended. I’m supposed to use HE detergents only. [My mom told me this and I ignored her advice because I just bought a new box of detergent. But, considering this is in the actual rule book, I will only use HE detergent. Fortunately, the detergent I bought just so happened to be HE.]
- You need to wash your washer on a regular basis. Failure to do so “may result in unpleasant conditions,” like mold. And raunchy smells. [Great. I love cleaning things that clean things.]
- I can check the status of the washing machine using my smartphone. [Mind blowing.]
Other things I learned/realized:
- I will need to keep this manual (aka Rule Book) nearby for reference sake. There are a lot of rules to follow.
- This has pretty much confirmed that I will forever be the sole laundry washer in the home from now on. No way is Brad Pitt going to follow all the rules laid out in the manual. This realization was kind of depressing. Like the day I got my first period and realized Oh my God. This is going to happen to me every month for the rest of my life?!?! (Menopause never crossed my naive mind. Hopefully there is a laundry equivalent to menopause.)
Update: 7:51am
The first load is in the washer. I might dare say successfully in the washer, but its not done yet. So I don’t want to go that far.
Update 8:05am
I have been sitting in front of the washing machine window watching water squirt inside and laundry tumble around for almost fifteen minutes now.
Update: 8:30am
I realized I will need to know what to do next. On to the Dryer Rule Book ….
PigTales 
Katie, only YOU can make a new W/D sound so exciting! They are beautiful machines and sounds like you have conquered them! Now you can enjoy them!
Hahahahaha! Maggie! Thank you!! The first load just finished and this magical song played to let me know it was done. It was magical …. and creepy … all at the same time.
I thought buying pedestals for a washer and dryer was crazy, until I realized I needed those drawers to keep the Rule Books close at hand. These machines are too smart to use without instructions. In the event of a breakdown, mine have a feature that allows me to call the LG repair line from my iPhone, then hold the phone up to the washer or dryer display to diagnose the problem. I hope that that eliminates the $75-90 service call for diagnostics. Actually I hope I never have to use that feature.
Love it!